What!
by Raizelinplaid
Summary: As we watch Amanda lead the Agency's best agents around by their noses on the monitors in Billy's office in Stemwinder 1, 'what' could have been going through her mind especially after she just thought she had heard the words "I love you." come across one static-filled phone line from of all people - Lee Stetson. Originally written for the 35th fanzine.
1. Chapter 1

**What?!**

By RaizelinPlaid

Edited by: Clagjanet

 **Disclaimer:** None of these characters belong to me. They belong to Shoot the Moon Enterprises and Warner Bros to who I am eternally grateful to for the opportunity to keep their adventurous lives going and to the wonderful actors who created them.

 **Summary:** As we watch Amanda lead the Agency's best agents around by their noses on the monitors in Billy's office in Stemwinder 1, I have often wondered 'what' could have been going through her mind especially after she just thought she had heard the words "I love you." come across one static-filled phone line from of all people - Lee Stetson. What could she have really heard as he is last words to her before that line went dead? And what did happen to lead Lee back to Amanda's bedroom after escaping from the grocery store? This is my 'what if' take on those missing scenes between Lee escaping and next we see him lying on her bed. Written originally for the 35th fanzine.

 **A/N:** This little filler assumes that Unfinished Business occurred before the Stemwinder Part 1 and 2 in Season 4. Any grammatical, spelling, or plot errors are solely mine.

 **Chapter 1: Amanda thought what?**

"What?" Amanda blurted out in response to Lee's unexpected declaration of love. She continued holding the phone tight against her ear. Her free hand pushed painfully in on her other blocking the background noise of the ice cream stand. "What?" her brain screamed into the now dead phone line. She continued listening, hoping beyond hope that Lee was still there and would answer this one question.

Amanda couldn't believe what she had just heard. "What did he just say to me?" she kept asking herself silently waiting for a response. Instead, the only response she got was the dial tone.

T.P. watched quizzically as unchoreographed emotions now danced across Amanda's face. He had seen the look of shock and confusion as she had asked, "What?", then, as she continued with her death grip on the phone, her face turned ghostly white as panic seemed to take over. Lee had told T.P. enough about Amanda to know that her being silent like this was not a good sign. Gently he touched her arm covering her ear to get her attention. She just turned and looked at him with her chocolate brown eyes searching his face for the answer to her one question, "What?"

T.P. took the phone now sitting in her other hand on the table and returned it to his briefcase. He wasn't sure she was even aware that she had finally brought it down from her ear. He could see the fading red mark it had left from the pressure. "Ah, Mrs. King, what did Lee tell you?"

The sound of T.P.'s voice had Amanda shaking her head to clear it. _What_ _had_ _he said to her?_ She struggled to replay every single word leading up to those last three that had shaken her to her very core.

"He told me to take the long way home. He told me to use up their manpower because they will keep me safe. He told me he had one more card to play." Her words were staccato, expressionless and automatic. She was like a robot programmed to say the same words on an infinite loop.

"Then, you should do what he said. Go home, Mrs. King. I am sure Lee will get in contact with you again," T. P. said in a fatherly voice patting her hands.

Hearing the words "Go home," brought Amanda back to the present moment. She realized that it was not Lee saying those familiar words to her this time. He would say them to her whenever he wanted to push her away for one reason or another, whether it was to protect her or himself. And it wasn't Mr. Melrose saying them to her either. The last time he had said them to her was after Lee's fake funeral. Instead, it was T.P. Aquinas this time, and now Lee was gone, _**again.**_

It was T.P. who was sitting next to her, trying to comfort her with his kind and concerned face. Amanda highly doubted whether T.P. could one hundred percent guarantee her that Lee would find a way to contact her again. Mr. Melrose had at least known of Lee's plan. T.P. didn't. At least, not that she was aware of.

T.P. might not know any more than she did, but at least she was certain he was a friend in a world that seemed to have fewer and fewer of those. So, instead of immediately obeying that familiar "Go home," Amanda abruptly asked him, "Do you have some paper and a pen?" T.P. produced the items from his briefcase and handed them to Amanda. She wrote down her contact information and returned them saying, "If you hear anything, anything at all, please contact me as soon as possible," she implored him.

"You will be the first, my dear," T.P. promised.

While saying her goodbyes and thank yous, Amanda clutched both of T.P.'s hands in hers as if he was now her last connection to Lee. Walking stiffly back to her car, the fading warmth of T.P.'s hands reminded her that if Lee were there at this very moment, his hand would be laced with hers. He would have put his hand on the small of her back as he guided her to the car and held her hand to help her into the seat. "What was the likelihood now," she wondered, "of having those briefest of touches with him ever again?"

Settling herself behind the wheel, she quickly pushed aside her fears of losing Lee and refocused her thoughts on how she could help him. "What final card did he want to play? What did he really want to tell me?" Amanda continued asking herself questions to prevent her helpless feeling. She drove slowly home, purposely going the longest way possible as Lee had instructed. "What was so important? What was he thinking not telling me what he was doing? What is he protecting me from by not allowing me to back him up?" Amanda could not believe or understand Lee wanting to tell her he loved her just like that without a reason.

Amanda's mind went through what-if question after what-if question. "What if something happened to him to make him say it?" Amanda quickly dismissed that because she knew she had to stay positive. Lee had taught her to always look for that silver lining. It dawned on her then that all the static on the line and the noise of the ice cream stand might have garbled his words. "What if it was just something that sounded like I love you?" Amanda began to wonder if she had just misheard him.

"It was probably just my own wishful thinking playing tricks on me because he had been seeing Sonja," she declared to herself. All his peacock dancing had made her mind dizzy with emotions. Amanda realized it was something she just wanted to hear from him for so long, and especially since they had been seriously seeing each other. Truth be told, she had formed those very exact words that night in the swamp, but she had known from the look in his eyes that night that he was nowhere near ready to hear them actually voiced. "What if he was ready now?"

Deciding she had misheard him, she began talking it out in her head, "What else could it have been?" She began with words rhyming with the "uv" sound but changing the first letter. "I am above you. I cove you. I dove you. I drove you. I shove you." As Amanda ran through those combinations, she quickly discounted each and every one. Switching tactics, she thought what if that "uv" sound was really "of" like in, "I am in favor of. I am fearful of. Go by way of. By means of. I am need of. I have none of. I will get to the bottom of. I grow out of. I owe you a." Amanda stopped there. "What does he owe me? An apology? For what?!" her mind yelled to no one when she landed on that one. She knew deep down his peacock dance with Sonja had been just part of the job to him. She trusted him and believed him when he had told her that.

Calming herself, she rationalized, "What if I heard the 'l' word wrong instead?" Amanda could now freely admit to herself that she was in love with Lee. She just wasn't sure yet if he was truly at the same place she was. He had pushed her away so many times over the years. They had been dating only a few weeks. Even just recently, when he had investigated the deaths of his parents, he had tried to push her far away at first. She had had to show him how to lean on her and trust her with his deepest fears.

Her thoughts began circling back again. Every time she had wanted to tell him how she felt, she had chickened out. She knew he wasn't ready. She feared to lose the best friend she had if she were to admit it first. She had wanted to ask him how he felt about her when he was under the influence of the drug, but she'd known that would be breaking a trust. Her instincts had told her that he did care deeply for her and her family. She could hear the way he had called her "My Amanda" with obvious affection. The question still remained for her, "What was he feeling for her now?"

"Okay, 'l' words," she thought refocusing, "I like you. I live you. I lead you. I leave you." With that word, Amanda pulled into her driveway.

After a quick family conference, Amanda told her mother she just needed a few minutes to collect her thoughts about her friend in trouble. Dotty understood and said she would let her know when Phillip got back. She headed upstairs to the sanctuary of her room to put her 'what-ifs' and 'what did he really say' thoughts to rest. Especially after that very last 'l' word that had popped into her head - leave.

As Amanda finally got to her door, she shook her head at herself at her merry-go-round of what-ifs on her mind. Lee Stetson was a handsome, debonair, international spy and playboy. This man, who had had four black books hidden in that eternally chaotic mess of a desk of his, had just told her, Amanda King, divorced housewife and mother of two, that he loved her. The merry-go-round of her mind was making her dizzy again. She wanted it to stop as her disbelief filled her yet again. Thoughts of the evolution of their relationship over the last three years spilled into her last questions. "What am I hoping for?" she wondered as her hand paused over the doorknob to her room before turning it. "A miracle?"

She turned the knob and pushed open the door. "Gosh!" She'd hoped for a miracle and here he was.

"Lee!"


	2. Chapter 2

**Chapter 2: Lee thought what?**

Amanda's "What?" came through the static of the phone line and the background noise of the parking lot like she was talking through a bullhorn at him as he hung up the phone without giving her a response. He had heard the pure disbelief in her voice at what he had just said to her as loud and clear as if she were standing right next to him.

"What was I thinking, just blurting it out like that?" Lee reprimanded himself. What he was thinking, he realized, was that he just wasn't sure how this last card was going to play out. He had put her through so much, pushed her away at every opportunity, and he wanted her to know the truth. No more hiding or denying. Heck, he thought, she deserved to know even if he couldn't tell her the way he had always dreamed about. She had every right to know. "What? No," he thought again. This time she had a _**need**_ to know.

But now, he knew had to put all his focus and concentration on playing out this last card he was holding. With a determined and measured walk, he entered the cold blast of air of the store. If he was able to walk away from this one, he planned on going straight back to Amanda's to tell her he loved her - like he should have a long time ago.

* * *

Escaping out the back door of the grocery store, Lee cursed himself for underestimating his opponent. With his years of experience and training, he should have known Alexi would be following Sonja. Lee did not give himself the opportunity or luxury to be grateful for now having a second chance to nail Alexi. Instead, he just blindly ran as far and as fast as he could to escape capture by the other agents with no destination or purpose in mind.

Finally slowing to catch his breath, one word finally made it through his red anger, "What?" His thoughts turned immediately to Amanda. He felt his anger subsiding and his ragged breathing evening out. He shook his head chuckling to himself about how many times he had said "What?" to Amanda after one of her rambling explanations. Thinking more clearly now, he remembered all the times he had started a question to her with that word. He actually felt the grin spread across his face as he remembered his very first; "What are you wearing?" It was in the heat of the moment. She had caught him off guard with her flippant response of, "What do you care?" He just couldn't believe it was some den mother saving his butt as she tried to control that helicopter. He marveled at how many times over the years he had said to himself, "What did I do now?" after she would give him one of her patented eye rolls. He knew he couldn't hide from her that look of bewilderment that probably went across his face in those moments. When they got into one of their arguments, which usually he had no clue of how it had even started in the first place, he knew he had asked her something like, "I said what?" because he honestly did not know what he had said. This time it was Amanda asking him directly "What?" and he knew he had a simple _**three-word**_ answer if only he could tell her.

But instead, that simple _**four letter**_ question word had him asking himself, "What if she had been there backing me up like she always does even when I tell her to stay in the car? What if she could have helped me capture both Sonja and Alexi just now?" Then, he could have been answering that one question for her in person. He was starting to doubt his decision not to tell her his plan for her own protection. Before he could answer those rhetorical questions, more questions started descending on him, "What if she had been there and Alexi had somehow managed to capture her? What if that had made the situation worse?"

Having no answers to these hypothetical questions either, more questions came at him, "What if Amanda had actually followed my directions this time? Then, she would be at home with her family," he reasoned. He remembered Amanda telling him how she would escape the chaos of her household by going to her room. "What if she is there now? This could be the only chance I have left to tell her. To make her believe." The next troubling question pierced his brain, "What am I going to say to make her believe the words are real?" He began going through little speeches in his head like some teenage boy practicing in the mirror asking his crush out on a first date.

Lee found himself in his usual hiding spot in the bushes outside of Amanda's kitchen window. Seeing that Dotty and the boys were deep in cookie dough, he decided the front door was a safe bet. Wanting to avoid another altercation with a window, he quickly picked the lock and headed upstairs. The smells of baking now assaulted his senses making him realize just how hungry he was. He hadn't eaten since yesterday. Momentarily the thought crossed his mind to actually turn himself in for just one of those scrumptious smelling chocolate chip cookies.

Reaching Amanda's room, he laid down to wait for her. Her smell lingered on her sheets replacing that of the baking cookies. The soft pastel colors mixing with her scent had him closing his eyes as he finally felt he could relax. He realized he had only been in Amanda's room one other time, the night he climbed up the trellis to tell her to stop seeing Alan Chamberlain. He remembered the warm glow of her bedside lamp, combined with the feeling of secrecy and intimacy that enveloped them like a blanket as they had settled themselves on her bed to talk about her evening. "It's a deal," he'd reluctantly agreed making her promise to leave at the first sign of trouble. He had still been thinking it was a bad idea as they shook on their plan for the next day.

In that very moment, it felt like lightning had struck him. He was caught off guard in that slightest of touches. He just couldn't pull his eyes off her for what seemed like an eternity although it was only a matter of seconds. He had held her hand for longer than necessary. When he had let it go, he did so slowly, feeling the warmth of her palm and fingers under his. He hadn't wanted to lose that. As he'd slipped his hands away from hers, he could have sworn he felt a spark of residual electricity flash between their fingertips. He actually took a moment to glance at his hand, half expecting to find burn marks there. He had let her go unwillingly, wanting at that moment to simply pull her in for the briefest of kisses just to feel her soft lips on his. He had watched as, feeling self-conscious under his stare, she had pulled her pale pink nightgown closed at her neck. He had chuckled at her holding him back from leaving until she had turned out the light. He had always wondered if it was really for the neighbor's benefit, her sleeping family, or for her own modesty. For his part, it wouldn't have mattered if she had been wearing a black and red flannel plaid nightgown. He still would have found her brave and beautiful and alluring, and yes, even a bit mysterious. He had had to force himself to let her go that night.

The sound of her question began resonating again in his head. He resigned himself to the knowledge he had to let her go again. He knew he couldn't take her with him. He couldn't protect her where he was going. She could lose her family. He couldn't ask that of her. He wouldn't even be able to tell her how long he'd be gone. "What if it _is_ for good this time?" the question flashed through his mind. "Well," he concluded, "One thing was going to be different; she will know how much I love her."

He was startled from his thoughts by the sound of the doorknob turning and that soft beloved familiar voice that made his heart sing: "Gosh! Lee!"

 _Amanda_.


End file.
